Fake Love Is Just So Beautiful
by BooksThatareMoviesThatareOnTV
Summary: Santana Lopez is stuck in an awkward conversation with her ex-girlfriend, Brittany, and her boyfriend, Artie, while getting a cup of coffee. What happens when a gorgeous mysterious blonde steps in to save her by pretending to be her girlfriend? AU Quinntana.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Everybody is an adult in New York in this story. AU! **

**Happy 16th Birthday to me! lol, I own nothing and sorry for all mistakes. ****I hope you all enjoy! **

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_Fuck bitches. Fuck hoes._ I thought, looking at Brittany and Artie wheeling around the coffee shop like it's a fucking amusement park. _Disgusting. He can barely reach up to the fucking counter to get his coffee._ I stand in line, waiting and trying not to be seen by them. All I want to do is get some coffee and a muffin and get the fuck out to head to the University. But it seems luck was not on my side. Brittany turns around to survey the shop and she spots me, squinting her eyes from across the room to see if it's really me. She studies my face around the big sunglasses I have on and her eyes widen before a big grin stretches across her face and she literally squeals.

"Sanny! Hi! Omg, Babe, Santana is in line!" Brittany shouts and jumps up and down, clapping excitedly. _Fuck. _ "Artie, let's go say hi." She smiles and practically runs towards me."Santana! Its so good to see you!" She squeezes the life out of my neck while I awkwardly pat her on the back

"Hey." I say dryly. I nod at Artie and he smirks in response. _Smug asshole. If you weren't already numb in the balls, I would chop them up. _"How are you, Brittany?"

She frowns at the use of her full name but carries on. "I'm really good. Artie is so sweet, like, all the time! I'm so happy! I work at Julliard to help out with the dance classes. You graduated from Columbia right? Whatever you're doing, I really love the sexy business look with the black skirt and pumps. Ooh, we should double date! Shouldn't we, Artie?" She bounces and beams hopefully, he mouth moving a mile a minute.

"Babe, we can't double date because Santana doesn't have a date." He says rubbing Brittany's arm affectionately. She pout as she looks at me and Artie rolls back a little while shooting me a satisfied grin. I grit my teeth, praying for a flight of stairs to roll him down. "Babe, can you go get my coffee? Thanks." Artie says to Brittany and she dances off to the table. He smiles a cocky smile when he rolls towards me. "Are you doing okay? I mean being single and all after so many years. I'm great and in love and you should be too. Ooh, that's right you're a lesbian bitch who no one wants. You're still a big bitch without a date since junior year of college."

_That's it! I don't know who this fucker thinks he is, but I don't take this shit from anybody! I"m going to go all Lima Heights on his crippled ass. _

"Look, Mini Cooper. You can talk all the shit you want to, but you can't stand up and get in my face to say it. So I'm going to bend down and get in yours." I do just that and words start flying at the rage i feel. "You can't get out your chair and fuck your girl. I can. I fucked Brittany six different ways to Sunday and best believe I still can if I wanted to, don't pretend you didn't see her looking at my ass a second ago, Robo Cop. And don't you ever, and I mean fucking ever, think you can come at me like that again. I will crush your ass like a tin can, fucker. Think you can roll up on me and try to embarrass me? Make no fucking mistake, I have no qualms about fucking you up like an Arabian in airport security." I glare harder and he looks to almost piss his pants.

"Sanny? What's going on?" Brittany's worried voice sounds in my ear. I stand up straight and face her with a small smile.

"Nothing, Britt. Just a friendly chat with my man Artie."

"Ok, so Sanny, I have to ask if you're really single because you look really, really yummy." Brittany says as she leers at my chest.

I'm starting to get uncomfortable but I smirk at Artie to prove my point. I begin to respond when a cool hand wraps around my waist and soft lips kiss my cheek. "She does, doesn't she?" A husky alto voice says against my ear, causing me to shiver involuntarily. I look over to give this stranger a piece of my mind but I freeze up and stare.

My eyes meet the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life. She has long blond hair that reaches her shoulder blades in her blue and white stripes sundress, accenting her curves with a red ribbon around the waist. Her full, rosy lips contrast perfectly with her flawless pale but tanned skin. She smiles her straight and pearly whites at all of us, but mostly me as she takes off her sunglasses, revealing captivating hazel eyes. I _might have just come._

"I surely hope we don't classify as single." She smirks and squeezes my hip. "Hi, baby. Sorry I'm late, who is this?" She asks raising a perfectly arched eyebrow as she leans into me. I'm still a little lost in my haze of the gorgeous blonde, but then I realize she's trying to save me so I play along.

"Hey babe, it's fine. This is my ex, Brittany, and this is her boyfriend, iRobot." I say with a kiss on the cheek, trying not to show my awkwardness and act as natural as possible. I see Brittany's face turn into a frown with a look I can't quite recognize but I ignore it and wrap my arm around the slender waist by my side.

My mystery angel laughs a sexy chuckle and shakes her head. "Sweetie, play nice. It's so nice to meet you all. " She smiles a little too sweet at the. I can't stifle my laughter and she elbows me in the side.

" I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?" Brittany says with the tilt of her head. The sexy blonde chick smirks and shakes her head.

"I didn't say. Now, excuse us, Kristey, we really must get going." She grabs my hand and leads us out of the coffee shop, leaving those two up front with their mouths agape.

* * *

We walk outside among the hustle and bustle of the bust streets and she smiles a small smile at me. "Hi, I'm Quinn, nice to meet you Santana."

"How do you know my name?" _She may be hot, but that doesn't mean she's not a creeper. _

_"_I was sitting at the table in the front and it looked like you needed a little bit of help. I would have come to the rescue earlier, but the drama was too good to pass up." She smirks.

"Well, um, Quinn. Thank you." I clear my throat awkwardly and look around the city. She chuckles at my blush and hands me a card with her name and number on it.

_NYADA: Quinn Fabray. _

"You're welcome, but I believe I owe you a coffee." She smiles and kisses me on the cheek once more and saunters off. She smirks over her shoulder at my amused expression and throws out a quick, "Call me!" _  
_

I smile and shake my head clear before I start to walk the opposite direction to NYU. For some reason I can't help but feel giddy about the thought of seeing her again.

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**a/n: What do you think? Please review! I love suggestions! :)**


	2. Be My Fake Girlfriend?

**A/N: OMG! Thank you for all the reviews and the follows and favs. It means a lot that you care, tons of motivation too! I read the reviews and I like what most of you all said. Someone said something and it sparked something in my brain for this chapter but I forgot who it was, it was a while ago. lol. Oh! About the G!P thing, that's not going to be in here. This will be femslash, I was just indecisive because of my active ADD. LOL**

**I own nothing, Sorry for any mistakes.**

** I will try to make this a fun and eventful journey with our favorite couple. Enjoy! :)**

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**Santana's POV **

I walk to the student center with a small smile on my face even though I hate the coffee and the people. For some reason , I just can't get Quinn out of my mind! Not that I want to, I mean she's gorgeous, sexy, sassy… that ass. But it's more than just a sexual attraction. At least for me it is, but I think she felt it too. I don't want to do anything foolish by rushing into a relationship and letting her meet my parents on the third date. No, I want to take my time with her because I can really tell she's something special.

"Oh my, Ms. Lopez!" My head snaps up to meet my friend, Kurt's, mischievous smile in his ridiculously bright suit. _Well at least you can heal the blind with that thing. _ "What have we here? Some news you neglected to tell me?" He bats his eyelashes.

"What?"

"News! Information. As in updates on your life as of right now." He presses, almost as if it's urgent.

"Umm… No? I'm getting coffee that taste like juiced shit. But that's about it." I say with a shrug and continue walking to class. He scoffs and shakes his head while catching up and walking along side me.

"Santana, don't play dumb, it's unattractive."

"You're gay. You're not supposed to be attracted to me." I deadpan.

"It doesn't matter, Santana! What I'm talking about is far more grand than sexuality!" He crosses his arms like he won't tell me what it is. But I've got my ways to him opening up so I won't even have to beg.

"I have updates on Fashion Week that I was going to share, but now... I don't seem to remember." I say with a blank face and play with my nails casual. His smile is so wide, it shows off his gums with those non-existent teeth.

"Ok, so I heard from Tina, who heard from Mike, who heard from Sugar, who heard from Brittany, who saw you at the coffee shop, that you have a girlfriend!" He gasps excitedly all in one breath. _He must be able to do that from sucking dick all the time_…

"Oh yeah, I did see Brittany at the coffee shop today. Artie was being a total ass, as usual." I roll my eyes as we turn the corner to the business center.

"Yeah, but I really want to meet the new blonde Brittany was fuming about. " He smiles.

"Oh! Well we aren't exactly-"

"Don't worry about being out the closet, Santana! New York is one of the gayest places in America! It'll be fine. Just bring her to my apartment for game night on Thursday." He says enthusiastically.

"Kurt, that's not the issue. Me and Quinn-" Once again, he cuts me off when I try to tell him that we're not dating.

"So her name is Quinn? No wonder Brittany was jealous, it's a hot name so she must be delicious." He muses.

"Wait, why the hell is Brittany jealous? We stopped dating two years ago?" I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and displeasure. _That dumb fuck breaks up with me by riding an out-of-order Spin a Wheel and now she doesn't want me to have a sexier ass at my side. Hell naww. _

He shrugs and stops in front of his class and turns to me. "Honestly, I don't know. But, invite Quinn over at seven and don't be late!" He calls before he walks off, leaving me standing there with a small glare. I go to my class with my mind full of confusing thoughts and questions. Throughout the day, I feel like something is missing and I forgot something, but I can't tell what it is...

Around one fifteen in the morning, I jerk awake with only one thought: _Oh shit, it's Tuesday!_

* * *

On Wednesday night I pace the floor of my apartment with my phone in hand, dialing Quinn's number while wondering how I should approach the situation and ask her to be my fake girlfriend when I really want her to be my real girlfriend. _This is a very sticky situation... and not the good kind. _ With each ring, my nervous level increases._ What if she gets mad at me and cursed me out? What if she calls the cops? Or what if she agrees only to freak out when she meets my friends and-  
_

_"Hello?"_

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**Quinn's POV**

It's movie night at my with my roommate, Rachel, but for some reason, I just can't pay attention. My thoughts have drifted to Santana consistently throughout the day. It's a shame really, how much one can get attached to another so quickly. I saw her in that coffee shop wearing that entirely too sexy skirt and fuck me heels and I just knew I had to get to know her sexually and personality wise. That spat with her ex was an excuse to get close to her without having to use some cheesy pick up lines. The smile she gave me after we left had me in a daze for at least thirty minutes. If she finds out why I helped her, I'll just say that I think it's a nice way to tell our kids how we met. _Whoa, what the fuck? I'm just 23, I shouldn't be thinking about kids, much less with someone I literally just met. _

I roll my eyes at myself as I'm brought out of my muse by my cell phone ringing. _Hmm, unknown number. Stalker or Creeper? Well any stalker is creepy. I wonder if it's that weird old guy, Shoemaker- no, Shooter-OH! Shuester! Yeah, what if its him? His wife creeps me out... What if it's Santana?! _ My eyes widen comically at the thought of her calling so soon. I ignored Rachel's upturned lip at the sight of my staring at my phone with my eyes narrowing and widening repeatedly and I hurriedly swipe the screen to answer.

"Hello?" I say casually, trying not to seem too eager if it's not her.

"Hi, is this Quinn? It's Santana Lopez."

"Oh! Hi! What's up, I didn't think I would hear from you for a while?" I smile with a sigh as a small sign of relief at the sound of her voice and chuckle at the sound of her nervousness.

_"Quinn? It's Santana. I just told you that, haha. but I'm the one from the coffee shop in case you don't remember. But um, I called to say hi. Hi! Hey! How's it going? Is it too late to call? It's only seven twenty-two, but some people sleep really early like my grandpa. But he doesn't sleep anymore because he's dead. Will you be my fake girlfriend?" _She shoots out at one time, leaving me with my mouth hanging open, pulling my phone back to look at it before putting it back up to my ear.

"You want me to do what?" I ask, surprised and confused. Rachel sends a glare in my direction for interrupting the bootlegged copy of_ Maleficent. _I get up from the couch, making point to hit her in the face with a pillow on the way out and go to my room, closing the door behind me.

_"Look, I'm sorry if this is a huge inconvenience to you but Brittany let it spread that I have a so called girlfriend and now my friends want to meet you and I couldn't say no. Damn that fucking rolling junk yard!" S_he grumbles and I hear a faint bang and a grunt on the other end of the line. _"Anyways, I really need you, Quinn. I normally don't have to ask for shit because I just don't, but this is the time I really need to. Please help a poor Hispanic?" _She pleads.

I bite my lip in apprehension as I think of what could be in it for me. _Well, I could get close to her and have an excuse to constantly be touching her... okay, we need a new wording for that because I sound like a child molester. Well I could tell she likes me back so we could pretend for a while and then it will be real. And it would get my parents off my back..._

_"Hello? Quinn?" _I'm brought out of my muses by Santana's confused voice and the beep of the button on her phone.

"Okay." I confirm with a nod of my head, even though he can't see me.

_"Okay? As in you'll do it okay?" She hesitates slightly before asking with hope in her voice. _

"Yes. But I get to use this for my benefit too." I say with no room for argument.

_"Okay, cool! That will most definitely work! Thanks a shit load, Quinn!" _Santana says with a smile in her voice. I chuckle and bite my lip. She clears her throat and begins to speak, "_Um, maybe we should meet up and talk about guidelines and get to know each other, you know for the full effect of a fake relationship."_

"That actually sounds really good, Santana. Do you want to meet up at Sal's Diner at 8 tonight?" I ask hesitantly. _Please say yes, God, let her say yes. If she does, I'll throw out my secret porn magazines... OK, I'll stop looking at them for... Okay, two weeks no porn! ... FINE! One night, the Sophia Christina poster goes down._

_"Awesome, I'll be there. Thanks again, Quinn, bye." _ With the click of a button, we hang up and I get ready to met her.

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I hurry up and take a french bath and throw on some skinny jeans and a nice red shirt with my hair down. Rachel sees me scrambling about the place looking for things and she raises a curious eyebrow. I dash from the door to the kitchen to get my keys and run back. "Quinn, Where are you going?" She asks as I'm halfway out the door.

"To see my girlfriend!"

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**A/N: Hi again! Hope you liked it! Tell me what you think. This chapter was sort of another intro, so the real fun begins next time! I'm excited as much as you are to see where this goes, because honestly, I have no clue. But what I do know is that we will be learning more about Quinn very soon! Fact 1: She likes porn. LOL. Please review! Suggestions are more than welcome :)**


	3. Getting to Know You

**A/N: Hi! OMFG! There are so many people reviewing and following! FUCK YEAH! lol, I will take the time to respond to each and every one of you, just not right this second because I'm hella busy with my courses at the University and I actually have a life now! lol, anyways! This is the getting to know you part. Now! Back to the cuteness that is Quinntana! Enjoy**

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**Santana's POV.**

The good thing about having a roommate that doesn't give two fucks, is that you can fly out the apartment like a bat out of hell and run back in when you realize two seconds later that you only have on panties, slippers, and a shirt on. Puck only raises an eyebrow in my direction as I run around frantically trying to find stuff and make myself look presentable... with pants. I settle for a pair of red skinny jeans and stripy black and white shirt and some flats before letting my hair flow in its natural curls down my back under a black beanie. I make sure I have everything and run back out of the apartment, leaving Puck sitting on the couch with a beer and chips in his hands, watching TV and shaking his head.

I don't live too far from the diner, so I can afford to take a taxi there. I ignore the way the cab driver is constantly leering at me with his beady eyes and creepy crooked grin. I look at the name tag in disgust. _Jacob Ben Israel. Need to remember that so I can report this fucker for being so ridiculously fugly..._

The taxi pulled up to Sal's Diner and I throw the money at him, purposely leaving out two dollars, making up for the trauma of being surrounded by him. I walk into the diner and my eyes roam greedily, searching Quinn's face. I spot her at the counter sipping on a glass of coke with a contemplating expression. She turns to the side and catches me staring at her like that creeper of a cab driver and a sweet smile graces her rosy lips. I smile in return and blush at being caught as I walk towards her.

_She's my girlfriend, right? Just go up and kiss her, it's not that hard. Just mwaa! BAM! That's it, Lopez. Alright. Okay! Okay! Alright, okay! Lets Go! _ I pep myself up before walk up to her with confidence, grab her face, and plant a big, firm wet one on her. _Right on the fucking forehead... smooth, Lopez, smooth. _ Quinn jumps in surprise and flushes a bright red as she averts her eyes and looks back to me, reading my face. _ Don't look like you didn't mean it, Lopez. Don't you fucking **dare** mess this up more than that goddamned last minute switch from those luscious lips to her fucking forehead... That's right, Tana, keep your face simple and confident, smile and bat your eyes. She gone learn today! _

Quinn looks over my face once more before smiling an amused smile and she grabs me by the cheeks, pulls me down and practically _eats _my forehead with all the kisses she plants on there. My face scrunches up and I can help but giggle uncontrollably as her laughter vibrates from her lips. We start attracting attention from the other customers with our noise and the sight of me trying to bat her hands away from my cheeks. Quinn finally lets go with a big smile and places a kiss on the corner of my mouth as an elderly couple walks by with an adorning smile and a gets up and takes me hand leading me to a booth in the back with a smile. "Hi" She says coyly.

I can do nothing else but laugh at her antics and go along with it. "Hi." I giggle again. _I haven't laughed like that for a while. Sure I laugh at other's expense all the time, like that girl that got hit with a shovel, or that dude with the basket ball to the head, but I haven't laughed for me in a long time... It feels nice._

"So, do you want to get to know each other first or start off with the rules for this fake girlfriend thing?" Quinn asks with a smile and her hands folded neat and proper on her lap.

"Get to know each other. Maybe we could play twenty questions?" I suggest confidently. She nods and looks at her menu absentmindedly, about to speak when the waiter walks over.

"Welcome to Sal's, may I take your order?" A bored looking redheaded chick walked up, smacking her gum and speaking in a monotone. I look at Quinn in a silent question to ask if she wants food or not, receiving a positive responce as she perks up.

"Yeah, I want a chocolate milkshake extra whip and a plate of chicken tenders with fries? And I'll pay for whatever my girlfriend wants." I send a wink in Quinn's direction, getting a smirk in return.

The woman turns to Quinn with an extra pop of her gum and gives her a blank look until she answers."Uh, I'll get a bacon burger extra bacon with a side of bacon ranch fries with cheese? And a slice of chocolate pie with a two cherries on top. Oh, and with a diet coke." The lady stops mid smack and gapes at Quinn in the same way I am. Quinn just shrugs and waves her off with a sweet, "That's all!" and a smile.

* * *

"I have a girlfriend whose name I don't know, do you want to fill me in, sweetheart?" I smirk and fiddle with the napkins.

"Lucy Quinn Fabray, parents are Judy and Russel Fabray. Born and raised in Florida."

"Santana Diabla Carmen Lopez. Raised by Maribel and Ricardo Lopez in central Texas."

"Nice to meet you, baby." Quinn smirks and kisses the corner of my mouth.

"How old are you, Lucy Q?" I ask, trying not to blush while sipping on a glass of water as we wait for our food.

"Dont call me that, Carmen." She frowns and shakes her head like the name Lucy left a bad taste in her mouth. "I'm twenty-three, you?"

"Twenty-four." I say with a smirk.

"Ooh, a cougar! I like it!" We laugh as she wiggles her eyebrows.

"What's your major?"

"Um, I graduated from NYADA last year with a major in art history and now they pay me to let students work at my art studio not too far from there. What about you?"

"Oh, so you're an artist? Nice!" I smile.

"Maybe I should make a portrait of you sometime?" She asks almost shyly. I can't help but blush and I'm all too glad that our food comes out, saving me from having to answer. We did in and eat in silence for a few minutes before I reach out to take one of her bacon fries. _Wrong move. _

Quinn slaps my hand away in a ninja like fashion and sends me a glare that could cut ice. "The first thing you must know about me is that I never, and I mean never_ ever, _play about my food. Touch it and die. Breathe on it and die. _Think _about it and die." She says seriously. I cradle my hand with her red finger prints on it and nod enthusiastically.

Like a switch, she stuffs her face with food, grease sliding down her chin from her burger and she smiles. "So, what did you go to school for?" She asks casually. _What the fuck?! Is this bitch crazy?! _I look at her like she's crazy and she raises one perfectly sexy eyebrow in a challenge. _ Damn, she would be the crazy hot chick that I can't get out my head. _ I begrudgingly open my mouth with a sigh.

"Umm..." I look at her uncertain and take a hesitant bite of my chicken strip before answering. "I graduated from Columbia at twenty-two with business degree and now, I'm at NYU for a degree in psychology. I'm going to be a sex therapist." I say proudly.

"That's so cool! Why did you go into that?"She grins big and leans forward in her seat.

"Because I get paid for talking about sex and I give great advice anyways. It's a better way to be a stripper... just without stripping. Plus! I was tired of people saying that I'm always being gross and the grown ups getting into my business, so I got into theirs with their sex lives. " I say seriously before we both burst out laughing.

"So, any medical conditions?" She asks, once the giggles dies down.

"I'm allergic to goose feathers and kiwi. Oh, and I'm lactose intolerant. You?" She looks at me with a blank face and points to my milkshake. "What? I like dairy!"

She just shakes her head and chuckles to herself. "No, just fine and dandy. Hobbies or necessities?"

"I like to sing and watch movies. As for necessities, I need food, money, and sex." I say with confidence.

"I understand food and money, but why do you need sex?" She tilts her had in this curious, adorable way. I fight the urge to pinch her cheeks.

"You think I'm playing, but ever since I lost my virginity at sixteen, if I go a few months without sex I begin to have withdrawal symptoms". I see her doubtful look and hurry to continue. "No lie, just ask my friend, Puck. He'll totally vouch that I start twitching and convulsing like that crazy white girl in the Exorcist." I lean back and take a sip of my milkshake and nod, "It's crazy man."

She nods in contemplation. "I guess I understand... I love sex so I'm like that with my porn collection. Like, I need to watch or look at porn at least three times a week." She nods with serious eyes.

_Holy fucking shit! She likes porn, she loves sex, and she fucking **gets** me! _I stare at her with my eyes wide in awe. I'm pretty sure my mouth was hanging open too. She opened her mouth the speak but I beat her to it.

"Quinn?"

"Yeah?"

"Marry me?"

* * *

"Any pets? I have a dog at my parent's house."

"I had a Betta fish... it died..." I say dejectedly, tossing a fry unceremoniously into my mouth.

"Aww, what happened?" Quinn pouts and takes my hand. _Score! I'm sure the next one will get me a hug with her boobs in my face! _

I make sure to have tears in my eyes when I tell what happened. "When I was five, I had my first fish named Ashley. My mom- I'm sorry I just get so choked up!" I sniffle and put my hand over my eyes and lowers my head. Quinn, sweet, sweet Quinn, comes over to my side of the booth and rubs circles in my back while she urges me to continue. "When I was seven, we took Ashley out to clean the bowl and my mom dropped her down the kitchen sink!" I grab Quinn's hand and look into her eyes, making sure I have tears flowing silently down my face. "She tried to turn on the light to see if she could get her, but she turned on the garbage disposal and... *sniff* Ashley..."

Quinn gasps in shock and pulls my head to her chest as I weep softly. She coos and hushes me and I fight to keep the smile off my face. _Works every fucking time... Ahh, boobies!' _ I think like the pervert I am as I breath in her sweet scent of peach pie and vanilla ice-cream. "Oh My gosh, San. I'm so sorry you had to go through that at such a young age!" She says as she plants a kiss on the top of my head.

"Quinn?" I ask timidly.

"Yeah?" She says, just as softly.

"You're really gullible, don't ever believe everything you hear." I smirk. She pulls back and looks affronted.

"What do you mean, Santana?"

"I lied just to lay on your boobies." My smirk turns into a full-blown grin as she sputters baffled words and turns red.

"You're such an ass!" She mutters and pushes my shoulder, causing me to lean closer to the window.

"You love my ass!" I laugh cheeky and grab her hand.

She smiles and interlaced our fingers. "That, I do."

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**A/N: There it is! Sorry if there were any mistakes, I told myself I was going to post this almost two days ago. lol , also an apology to those who thought game night was this chapter, but it is in the next. Tell me what you think of them getting to know each other! Reviews are lovely and they make me happy! **


	4. Game Night

**A/N: HI! Wow! Almost 200 followers! And omg, I fucking hate writing on a tablet. it seems like every time I try to fix something, it goes to a word that was in no way supposed to be there! lol, anyways! This is game night! The chapter really long this time because I promised the games would be in this one and there would be something interesting happening. Also, Mike and Tina are siblings because Tina is a big ol' lesbo! I always thought she was cute :) **

**All mistakes are mine, but I tried to catch most of them and fix them. ****Anyways, here is the awesomeness that is Quinntana. Enjoy!**

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I take hold of Quinn's hand and rub calming circles with the pad of my thumb as we go step into Kurt's apartment and are met with the pulsating music of Sam Smith already booming through the apartment, signaling that game night has already begun. "SANTANA!" Kurt's high pitched voice squeals out as he runs towards me with his wine sloshing around in a clear plastic cup. "Ooh, what have we here?!" He says with a mischievous glance from Quinn to me. "You must me Quinn! Kurt Hummel. It's more than a pleasure to meet you!" He takes her hand and shakes it up and down frantically with wide eyes and a gummy smile. Quinn's eyes widen but she continues to smile, even though it's so fake, it could be the cousin of Big Ang's boobs.

"This fine piece of ass is my girlfriend, Quinn. Quinn, this is Kurt Hummel, A.K.A. Ladydick." I smirk and take her hand back from him and into mine, immediately feeling her relax and lean into me while smiling at me gratefully. Kurt smiles and nods before taking another sip of box wine and leads us past the living room, forgetting about me and fawning over my girlfriend_... okay, fake girlfriend_. The gray and soft blue walls and light colored furniture is outlined by two 90s disco balls tapped together on the ceiling to make it seem like it's a bigger ball. _The broke bitch struggle. _

Kurt walks into the kitchen with us trailing behind him and I see that those drunken whores have already started Truth-or-Drink without us. Tina and Sugar are laughing like mad while Mike covers his face and blushes red. Sugar cooed over him, rubbing his shoulders and giving him a quick peck on the lips. They see us and a big grin stretches across their faces as they wave. Tina looks at me with a smile so big, her eyes look like they are painted lines on her face . She gets up with her arms out stretched and squeals, "It's so good to see you came! I'm just so overwhelmed!"

"Damn, Lezzie Chang, calm the fuck down." I grumble but open my arms anyways with a small smile. Only for her to fucking scoot past me and wrap my smiling girlfriend in her arms. I couldn't stop my face from falling dejectedly if I tried when I turned around to see them embracing like old friends. My mouth hangs open as Tina squashes Quinn's face in between her boobs and while Quinn just smirks at me before doing a little motorboat, causing Tina and the rest of the group to laugh at my expense. I whine pathetically like a fucking puppy dog and pout.

"Sorry, baby. I was just saying hello to your friend." She speaks slyly at me, raising an eyebrow in my direction as she stands up and walks over to me, taking me into her arms.

"That wasn't very nice, bitch." I snarl non menacingly as I rest my chin on her shoulder and pull her closer to me. She kisses me on the top of my head and apologizes once more. Our little girlfriend-but-not-girlfriend moment was interrupted by a chorus of oohs and awes. "Shut up, fuckers." I flip them off.

"OH MY GOODNESS! You two are just too cute!" Sugar burst out with a cheesy smiles and a hand over her heart. "Aren't they cute, honey?" She slaps the hand laying on her shoulder lightly in her excitement to which Mike only nods and agrees giving us a once over and an approving thumbs up. Kurt and Tina shout their agreement while pouring shots.

Kurt steps up and points us towards the table he found outside his apartment building. "Sit down, sit down! Okay, so it's obvious you need to tell us how you met, how long you've been dating, how many kids you want, and a dog or a cat... oh yeah, Quinn, we need your social security too!" They all start laughing at our startled expression.

"Kurt's just teasing, Quinn." Tina smile and rest a reassuring hand on her arm before turning to me. "But, Santana, we would like to know why you haven't heard of this classic beauty before."

"Careful, Chang, she's mine and you're dating- Oh, I'm sorry. You're _fucking _that chick you met at the bar like three months ago!" I smirk at Tina's blush while everyone laughs and Quinn leans into me telling me to "Play nice."

"Tina, don't mind Santana. She's just mad because she just lost her opportunity for sex." Quinn says casually. _Wait- what?! _My head whips around to face Quinn so fast I hear my neck crack. I look at her with wide, disliking and hopeful eyes.

"I have a opportunity for sex?!" I whisper yell in surprise. Quinn chuckles and shakes her head with an amused eyebrow raised up.

"Had."

My mouth flaps open and closed while I try to find the words. "...B-but... But I had a...a... Quinn, we- sex?"

* * *

"So who talked to who first?" Sugar asked excitedly. S_hit, we forgot the back story. _I take Quinn's hand with an awkward smile and she offers a small smile towards them before looking at me with her eyebrows raised as if saying 'what the fuck do we do, dumb ass?!'.

"Quinn? Honey. Why don't you go ahead and tell them our story?" I ask her with a kiss to her hand.

She shakes her head and wrinkles her nose in Santana adorable fashion, discretely pinching me on the thigh. "Baby, stop playing like you don't want to tell the story of our love. Santana, you don't have to be shy." She says sweetly. The girls and Kurt awe while mike snickers. Quinn turns to them with a smile and takes a sip of her wine from the plastic cup before urging me to speak. _that sneaky little girl... that sneaky, sexy little girl_

"Okay... so Quinn and I met... three da-years ago at the coffee shop." I say slowly while looking to Quinn for help. She just squeezes my hand and averts her eyes while taking another sip.

"Which one?" Kurt asks, trying to make it sound romantic but really being a pain in my ass instead.

"...Starbucks-"

"On Fifth avenue?"

"The one I'm about to build up your ass, now let me finish!" I snap before straighten my clothes and continuing. "It was a bit after Britt and I broke up and I went to buy a cup of tea when I spotted Quinn sitting in the corner reading a book, but didn't speak to her because-"

"She was shy and my beauty surpassed all others" Quinn smirks teasingly. _Doesn't make it any less true, though._

"No, I was going to say because you were a bitch." We all laugh at the way Quinn's smirk dropped into a pout. "Just kidding, baby. You're amazing." I lean over to whisper in her ear, kissing the corner of her mouth before getting everyone's attention and continuing with my made up story.

"I was having a bad day and she was there to cheer me up. I was a little upset over Artie because you know, because he's Artie. Anyways and she came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist and said 'Hey baby, go out with me'. I wanted to punch whoever it was, but when I turned around to look at her, I knew she was something special. We spoke for a while and she even said she would buy me coffee. It's funny because we've been friends for a while and we just started dating for what feels like two days ago." Quinn and I both laugh at the truth that only we know. I look at her and pull her into me. "She still hasn't got me that coffee and I doubt she ever will. But that's okay because she's mine now."

At the end of my fake story I don't pay attention to Kurt and Sugar wiping their eyes or Tina and her brother taking a swing of their beer trying to cover up the sniffles. All I see is Quinn while we looking into each others eyes with our fingers interlaced. Quinn burrows further into me and gives me a side hug so the others won't see whatever she's about to whisper. "That was perfect, Santana. It was so convincing, I could have almost sworn this was true! You're a great fake girlfriend, you should go to NYADA for the acting program!" She chuckles. My face falters but I force a chuckle anyways while I lean up and reach for my beer, disconnecting myself from Quinn.

"Yeah... totally convincing..."

* * *

"Listen up! Enough of these fucking tears!" Kurt says as he sniffs and pours more boxed wine and another shot. "Okay, how about we start playing before we run out of alcohol and this turns into a lifetime sob fest." He chuckles with the rest of us. I notice Quinn perk up. "What games should we play? I vote Drink-or-Dare."

"Truth-or-Drink!"

"We already played that, Sugar. How about Roll the Shots?" Tina suggested, already reaching for her purse with the dice in it.

"Have we played that before?" Mike asks his sister, "Oh yeah, I want to play mystery drink."

"Yeah, it was the game where we each roll the dice and which ever number it landed on, that's how many shots of whatever you had to drink." I said. We had played it at a house party of a friend from Puck's class. _My second threesome... good times, dude... good times. _

"I have a class tomorrow." Mike points out. We all turn to stare at him in shock and distaste.

"... Then what the fuck are you doing here?" I ask with a blank face. "If you can't man up and take the fucking shots, then get the fuck out Chang." He hangs his head briefly before taking the dice from Tina.

He rolls the dice with a determined face and lands on a seven. He shoots his hands in the air and yells. "TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!"

"HELL YEAH!" We cheer.

Quinn furrows her eyebrows and turns to me, whispering in my ear. "What kind of game night is this?"

I can only chuckle and shake my head, pulling her into the living room with the rest of the group. "You'll see."

* * *

"OKAY! You can stop laughing!" Tina shouts and blushes as we all jump around and laugh. Mariah Carey's Fantasy playing in the back ground and the little disco balls slowly rotating around the small room.

"Oh!- hahahaha! I can't... I can't believe you thought! Ahahaha! You asked her if she wanted to meet up for a 'Bible bath!' AHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" I can't breathe because I'm laughing so hard. It was Tina's turn and she had to tell her most embarrassing text from auto correct.

"It wasn't my fault!" She whined sadly. We just continued laughing.

Quinn still giggles slightly- partly the effect of all the alcohol and takes a hold of Tina's hand to comfort her. "If it helps, when I was in my junior year of high school, I was dating this girl named Shelly, she had a great rack and the perfect chocolate skin and those lips... Mm-hmm! anyways, I grew up in a household where we didn't say a lot of nasty or sexual things, so when we were making out in the janitor's closet and she told me to talk dirty to her, I was so confused! I looked about the closet and it was kind of spacious so I laid us down on the ground with her on the bottom and whispered in her ear '_I'm going to shove my tongue down your throat while I rub you all over this dirty, un-mopped floor. And then I'm going to use your wetness to clean it up' _ I was so embarrassed when she just looked at me like I was crazy and her lip curled up as she _pushed_ me off of her and ran out the closet!"

We all burst out in uncontrollable laughter and she blushes red and shrugs her shoulders. "That so much WORSE than mine!" Tina giggles and pours a shot of strawberry wine and hands it to Quinn. "You have to take the shot for most embarrassing story! Drink up bitch!" She chuckles as Quinn downs it and smacks it on the coffee table. Sugar suddenly perks up and jumps out the room to get something out the kitchen. She runs back in with a new box of wine and yells an idea none of us could reject.

"WOULD YOU RATHER OR DRINK!"

* * *

"Quinn?"

"Yes, Micheal Edward Chang?" Quinn sways slightly in her spot as we sit in a circle on Kurt's shaggy gray rug. _I think we've exceeded the appropriate number off drinks to get drunk. So we're drunker-er...er or drunk-inger-er. I rolled an eight an Quinn a five... we've been drinking a lot. _

"Haha, would you rather-"

"Wait! Why do I have to go first?!" Quinn asks with an adorable angry pout with her hands on her hips.

"Because you're new, Q" I answer in a slur and place a sloppy wet kiss on her eye. She just grins big and pulls her face with her hands.

"Look, San! I look like Micheal and T-t-tina! Get it?! 'cause she used to stutter?!" Quinn says as she falls to the side clutching her stomach in her fit of giggles.

Tina gives her a glare while Mike leans into Tina who's watching Magic Mike with Kurt, only chiming in when called on. "Get your girl, Satan." Tina hisses.

"Why don't you get a girl, Stutters!" I say back and I can feel the tears stinging my eyes already. I hold onto a red-faced Quinn and she gets very cutely upset at Tina for making me cry.

"Well why don't-"

"Hey! Let's just play!" Mike yells. Well not really yells, but drunkenly suggest. We all reluctantly nod. "Okay, so Quinn. Would you rather eat Santana's booty in a bowl of ice-cream, or suck Kurt's toenails in lemon pie?" Mike grins while we say gross and Kurt's face snaps from Channing Tatum's flapping dick towards us at the sound of his name. _Is his dick hard?! Fucking gross! _

Quinn's nose wrinkles in distaste and shakes her head. "I can't don it! I would eat it by its self, but-"

"wait my booty or Kurt's toenails? Cuz we can totally blow this place." I suggest with a waggle of my eye brows. She slaps my hand and laughs.

"NO! I would eat the ice-cream or the lemon pie, but not any body parts... not yet, babe" She winks. _ I just fucking came..._

"Doesn't count! You have to take a shot, whitey!" Tina laughs while Quinn's glassy eyes look at the shot glass with confusion.

"Don't worry, Q. I'll drink yours, okay?" I say and she grins enthusiastically and nods, kissing me on the nose and pulling back laughing and kisses my forehead.

"OK, your turn, Tana." Mike says in my direction. I nod and he continues, "Would you rather fuck Melissa McCarthy or Oprah?"

I actually have to pause and think for a second. "Umm... that's a hard decision to make. I mean Double M is awesome and would probably make me laugh while we fuck, and while Melissa has a pretty face with those adorable squirrel cheeks, Oprah's not too hot when she doesn't have make up on. AND! Oprah is hella old... but at the same time, she has money and would probably give me a fucking _boat _ after I bone her into an early retirement...Oh yeah, she already retired... Okay, Melissa can do that leg think like in that movie _Bridesmaids_ and she seems like a freak in the sheets... Plus she would be my first big girl and Puck says they're awesome, and Oprah wouldn't know how to handle all this... But I still want a boat even though I don't know how it'll fit in the apartment... It doesn't matter! I want a boat! Oprah, final answer!"

I grin but it falters when I take in the blank look on everyone's face. Kurt's mouth flaps up and down while Quinn looks at me like I have three eyes. It's so silent, I can hear the stripper music from the low set volume on the TV. I squeeze some wine out the bag and shrug my shoulders.

"What the fuck?"

* * *

"We should play that game with the dots! It has a lot of colors and you play it!" Kurt suggest excitedly as he smokes on one of the joints that we've been passing around for the past thirty minutes.

"What game is it? You're talking like fucking Dr. Seuss." I say in a frustrated growl as tears start rolling down my face and I take another drag. _ everybody in my life is so fucking confusing! __  
_

"The dot game!" He points at the floor with big toothless grin.

"There are a lot of colors... Twister?" Quinn suggest.

"YES! Let's play Twister!" He squeals and passes to Mike and I pass to Quinn. We all nod in an agreement and he goes to his room and gets the box out. When he comes back, we set it up and get ready to play before we realize we don't have a spinner.

"where's the spinner thing, Kurt?" I ask.

"It's on top of the fridge."

"Okay, I'll get it! The little elves with guide me." I tell them as I get up and start walking to the kitchen.

Quinn's groggy voice rings out as she grabs my hand. "Rachel's not here!"

I laugh and shake her off and go climb on top of the counter that leads to the fridge. When I reach the top, I realize how much everything is blurry. I hear a girly scream as I look down and see all the tiny people looking up at me from my spot on the top of the refrigerator. '_OH FUCK! ANT PEOPLE!... Okay, I can do this. Just cling to the top and get the spinner... got it! now focus on the spot on the wall and climb down... wait! kick your shoes off! the socks with you more of a grip! ... okay, now throw the spinner and look the wall and then take a step towards the counter. Don't focus on those zebras running by! No mama is not here to cook tamales, stop sniffing for them... God, they smell good!... okay, Santana. Step slowly... NO! NO! Don't jump away from me, counter! I TOLD YOU TO- '_

I hear a big thunk and a snap then my arm and head suddenly starts hurting. I hear my name being called repeatedly and see faces with black spots in front of me. '_Quinn's eyes are really pretty...like rainbow fish... why is... it get- getting dark?...'_

Everything fades to black and sound escapes me.

* * *

**A/N: Lol, my mom and I were watching Breaking Dawn and she just interrupts the bad acting by saying "Renesmee is a white trash name from the vampire ghetto." with a straight face. To say I died would be an understatement. kmsl**

**As for the story, Tell ****me**** how it is! Was it too boring? Was it not enough? Was it great? Was it funny? lol, please Review!**


	5. I need a title but don't have one

**A/N: Hey! My friend of mine said I should explain the shot of strawberry wine part because y'all will think I don't know what I'm talking bout, so I shall explain now. um, a group of us when to a party about a month ago and my friend, let's call him Jerry, was drunk off his ass. Even though Jerry was _such_ a lightweight, he was like 'no, no! Don't stop the drinks! I want to drink it! I can do it! I'm not that drunk!' lmao, so we gave him some strawberry wine in a shot glass so he would shut up. lol, I'm such a great friend! haha**

**Back to the story! Enjoy!**

* * *

**Quinn's POV **

One minute I was playing with the colorful shapes around my hands and laughing with Mike about the size of the midget's head on X-Men, the next I could only watch in horror as Santana looses her footing and slips from the top of the refrigerator. _Holy nuggets of fuck.. W_e look at each other with wide, red eyes and back to Santana's little frame as we hear a snap.

"Did she just fall?" Kurt's high-pitched scream rang through the room. _ no shit Sherlock... not it has to be derogatory and mean... no shit- no duh... fruit pants- or no shit fruitlock. Okay, say that. _

"No shit fruitlock!" I hiss, my voice clouded with smoke. Tina just looks at Santana on the floor in wonder. "We need to go check on her." I say and get up and walk towards the kitchen.

"What if she's, like, dead?" Sugar's not too quiet whisper seeped into my ears. I momentary pause, my heart dropping into my stomach at the though of something like that happening to Santana.

"She won't die. It's probably just a concussion." I say, trying to convince not only them, but myself as well. I step up closer to her and kneel, looking into her confused and pained-filled, watering eyes.

"Santana? Baby, can you hear me?" She groans in response and takes my hand as her eyes flutter shut. _ Shit._ During my panic, brain begins to clear itself of its drug induced haze. I stand up and look towards the group of high, drunk, and sleepy college students. Kurt raises his head from Sugar's shoulder and Tina is still staring at Santana while Mike searches for something like a dog chasing its tail._ "_Guys, we have to go to the hospital." I say, getting nods of agreement. We get ready to pick up Santana's unconscious form and take her to the hospital until Mike stops us with a question.

"Did anyone see where she put the spinner?"

* * *

"How are we going to carry her?"

"I don't know... do you want to piggy back her?"

"Sure. Put her on my back, Quinn."

"Okay. Bend down."

...

"OH SHIT! My back! Get her off!"

"Shit, Mike. Stop being such a pussy! Man the fuck up, your ancestors built the fucking Great Wall of China!"

"...My parents are Korean."

"Same thing. Now get up and help me get my girlfriend to the hospital."

"..."

"Sorry, Mike... are you okay, man?"

"It's cool, you didn't mean it. Let's go."

"You guys are fucking stupid."

"SHUT UP, TINA!"

"YEAH! Shut up and go eat a spring roll!"

"Dude... That's sister. So not called for."

"Yeah, Quinn. Why are you so racist?"

"...Because I'm white! The court allows it because I'm a white drunk who's not in the right state of mind. So basically my actions are not my fault. Do you have a problem with that?! Who's racist _now_, fucker?!"

"... calm down."

"It's true! I could rape Kurt up the ass right now and _still _ only get three days in jail. All because of this white ass cheek that you can kiss. White's right, bitches!"

"..."

"I wouldn't mind! I haven't gotten any in weeks!"

...

"No... Kurt... just no."

"Yeah man, not cool. She has a girlfriend, our best friend as a matter of fact!"

"Can't I just use the same excuse Quinn used for saying it?"

"No."

"Drats..."

* * *

**Two hours later. Just now arriving at the hospital...**

I travel beside the nurses along the white-walled halls, latching onto Santana's good hand until they wheeled her into another neutral colored room. I can't quite understand it, but everything about her makes me feel so _much, _like the way those those hummingbird wings I feel in my stomach whenever we have skin-on-skin contact and the way my heart skips a beat every time she looks at me with _t__hose _eyes as if I was the only person in the world. It would be too much for my mental state to try to decode the meaning of everything I'm feeling while still trying to see if she likes me or if she's just doing this to get Brittany back, so I dismissed our 'moment' by saying she would be the best fake girlfriend. But now, it could kill me if her drugged up brain went into a coma and I couldn't tell her my real feelings.

We all sit in the waiting room, reflecting on tonight's events and worrying about Santana. I try to pick up a magazine and get my mind off of things, but my thought are always consumed with Santana. I get up and start pacing in a small spot while running my hands through my hair, trying to shake out the negativity. Tina brings me out my head and starts trying to converse with me. "Quinn, Kurt's going to get some coffee in the cafeteria, do you want anything?" I shake my head in an answering no and continue to slowly walk around, only stopping when she rest a hand on my arm in a silent request for me to sit down.

I look towards Santana's friends with soft, sad eyes before speaking. "I'm sorry for everything tonight. I shouldn't have said the majority of the mean and racist things that were aimed towards you. I don't want to use my alcohol intake as an excuse. I normally only play around like that with my friends at home and I let myself go. I should have known better. Please forgive me?"

They look back at me with a mixture of amused and sympathetic eyes."Quinn, if you were dating Santana and _didn't_ say something like that, we would be offended. It's okay, it comes with the territory. We love Santana and expect her partner to have some of the same qualities she has. Don't sweat it man." Mike speaks up with a smile. Kurt and Sugar nod in agreement with similar looks on their face while Tina pulls me into a side hug.

"Quinn, I know I just met you tonight and you and Santana only just started dating, but I can already tell that you're going to be a great addition to our little group. You guys are just so smitten by each other in your own little bubble, we all see that you two will have a strong relationship for a long, long time." She smiles. "Now, let's go check on your girl."

I nod and get up, taking her outstretched hand and walk towards the nurses station to get updates on Santana's condition, but before we reach the desk a man in a white coat enters the room.

"Santana Lopez?" A curly haired doctor walks up with his clipboard in hand. We all walk towards him in a hurry. He chuckles, "Hi, I'm Dr. Blaine Anderson, subbing in for Dr. Cooper due to a family emergency. Santana's injuries were minor and she has a broken arm but it was a clean break and thankfully not shattered. She had a mild concussion but the high level of intoxication lead her into a nap time." He laughs at his own lame doctor joke and I breath a huge sigh of relief and literally feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. Dr. Anderson points towards the hallway to the left, "Would you like to see her?"

We the answering chorus of yes, he leads up to room 859. We walk into see Santana arguing with the nurse who was trying to sick a needle into her arm. "No puta! Back the fuck up with that devil's sword!" Santana swats at the struggling young nurse's hand.

"Miss! Miss Lopez! We need- we need to do this!" She breaths heavily, a mop of red hair falling into her face as her face turn red from exertion.

"Well you should have done this shit when I was sleep, fucker!" Santana yells and begins to curse in Spanish._ God, angry Santana is so adorable. _

"WE DID! You took them out you feisty bitch! Now let me fucking stick you! I need to graduate!" I laugh at the scene before me. Their heads snap up towards me at the sound and Santana's face breaks out into a grin and she ushers me towards her. I walk up to her side with a smile and the nurse uses me as a distraction and sinks the needle in her arm, causing her to let loose a stream of profanities and angry threats towards the now smug redhead. She smirks and walks out the room, leaving me to defuse what I'm quickly realizing is a sensitive bomb.

"Santana, baby calm down, it's-"

"_SHUT THE HELL UP! Where is she?!" _ The loud Hispanic voice of a woman cut me off, though it sounded oddly familiar. In my trying to remember where I've heard that voice, I don't notice Santana's face pale dramatically, seemingly trying to sink into herself. _"no I will **not ** calm down, que te den por culo! She's my daughter you puta!"_ The voice seems to get closer as the loud clacking, or should I say stomping, echos down the hall. Santana whimpers and I look over to see her starting to sweat. _"Dot a chance in fucking hell! I will not fill out any forms, now what room is it again?_

"Santana? Are you okay? You're sweating, does your arm hurt?" She shakes her head and her eyes grow wider, if that's even possible.

_ "Where is she?! no, Ricardo! My baby needs me! Vámonos, vámonos, vámonos!" _ I'm still trying to figure out where I've heard that voice before! It almost sounds like-

"_Santanita!? ¿dónde estás?! Mija! Mami's here, baby! I'm coming!" _The voice seems to come from right behind me. Sure enough, the already opened door bangs open even more with the more than dramatic entrance of a slim, mid-forty year old Hispanic woman with curly black locks traveling down her back, rushes into the room and looks around frantically. She spots Santana and practically runs to the bed, immediately grabbing Santana's cheeks and touching and leaving kisses all over her as if checking to make sure she's really here. _Quinn, you can do this. It's only your fake-girlfriend-who-I-want-to-be-real-girlfriends-with's mom. Pretend you're not here. Only speak when spoken to. _

"Santana! Oh gracious _LORD! _ Don't you ever fucking scare me like that again! What in the hell did you do! You almost gave me and your papi a heart attack!"

"Mami? What are you doing? Here. In New York. Here." Santana asks, looking like she's torn between being shocked and nervous or being annoyed and upset in pain. Mrs. Lopez just tssks and shakes her head, fluffing Santana's pillow and wiping a few strands of hair out of her face.

"When I saw Tina's status on Facebook saying 'Santana is in the hospital' with a sad face on the side, ,I called the airline and me and your father came straight up here to see about our baby girl!" Mrs. Lopez begins to sniff and turns towards the window, shaking her head sadly. Santana rolls her eyes dramatically and scoots back to sit up in the bed.

"Where's Papi?"

Her mother shrugs in response, "I don't know, I think I left him somewhere on the stairs." She says casualty.

Both me and Santana have out mouths gaped open. "Mami! This is like the- Quinn, baby what floor is is?"

"Eighth."

"The _eight _ floor! Why couldn't you just take the _elevator?!_" She throws her hands up in air, Mrs. Lopez mimicking the action, and both rolling their eyes. _Freaky_.

"BECAUSE! I needed to see my only daughter. I had-"

"I have two sisters..."

"It doesn't matter, Santana! I needed to be here for _you!" _She glares and points her finger at Santana. She pauses and holds her head in her hands while taking a deep breath. "You know what? We need to pray over this family." She nods resolutely, ignoring Santana's groans of protest with a flick of her wrist in a shooing motion and holds her hand up. "Dear, Sweet Lord up above..."_  
_

"Mom."

"_Shut up!_ Merciful Father! We need you to come down on us and bless us with a strong family bond. Because it seems like my _only_ daughter, my only _child-"_

"YOU HAVE FIVE KIDS!"_ You can do it, Quinn. Don't laugh! _

"AND I SAID SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO FUCKING PRAY FOR _YOU _TO LOVE _ME_! Anyways, Dios, help my only child understand that I pushed and pushed, and p_ushed_ for her fat head to get out of my little lemon so that she may _love_ _me_. I dealt with the buggers, the snot, the stinky booty and shitty hands all those years, only to have her not love me. But now that I see that she doesn't appreciate me spending my retirement money that was meant to take me to see Magic Mike on Broadway in Costa Rica, so that I could see about her in case she caught cancer in her eye like that poor little boy in that new movie for the cancer children in love... Lord, I just asks that her little white girlfriend that she didn't tell me about because she doesn't love me enough to tune me into her life- yes Jesus, the one in the corner with the wide eyes- at least understand the value of family and helps my now estranged daughter plan my funeral before she continues her life full of love, a love that was not meant for me. Dios mios, please don't let her continue to think that I can't hear her whining like a bitch in heat and that I don't see her making silly faces at her giggling girlfriend, it's a really shitty and disrespectful move. And God our redeemer, please give her a light out of the loveless tunnel that is her ass. Amen."

We look at her with wide eyes and mouths agape while she just straightens her clothes. _Don't laugh, Quinn. Don't fuck this up by laughing like Aunt Carol when she's on her forged prescription drugs._ All heads snap towards the sound of a deep voice at the door. "You still trying to learn how to pray? Because you obviously don't know how!" A tanned man looking to be around forty-seven smiles as he knocks and enters the room, he accent thick and playful. Santana's face lights up and she breathes a sigh of relief.

"Papi! Thank God you came! I thought she would never stop cursing at Jesus!" Santana says dramatically with her good hand over her heart, her father laughing with her as they embrace.

"At least you only had eighteen years with it, I'm stuck with her for life! Ow!" Mr. Lopez laughs at the slight punch Mrs. Lopez placed on his arm as she grumbled her frustration.

"Do you want me to put her in the nursing home and get you a hot nurse at the house?" Santana mock whispers. _ stop trying to laugh, Fabray._

"Can her name be Candy?" He asks with a childish enthusiasm. Mrs. Lopez quickly cuts into the conversation.

"No! There will not be any fuckin-"

"HA!" Dammit! You just had to let one slip didn't you?! The Lopez's look towards me in confusion, Santana in apprehension and concern. _ "Epp!" __  
_

"Was that you Quinn? Are you okay?" I shake my head and bit my lip, willing my laughter to stop bubbling in my chest. I held in my laughter during the prayer, so I can hold it in now... hopefully. "Are you sure? Baby, your face and neck are really red." He eyebrows furrow and she scrunches her nose. "Papi's a doctor if you need him- are you breathing?"

And just like that, the dam was broken.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I clutch my sides and hunch over in my seat, clearly startling everybody in the room.

"...Quinn?" Santana is hesitant to reach out to me and every time I try to speak, another round laughter bubbles out.

"OH MY GOD ON A STICK! AHAAHAHAHAHAHA! HAAAAAAA" I'm pretty sure I look like that fugly Chowder character on Cartoon Network while I laugh my fucking lung out of my ass.

"Quinn." She crosses her arms and gives me an agitated look, but event then I can't stop. "It's not that funny... you can stop laughing at any time... any time now..."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHEEEEEEE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" I almost fall onto the floor, causing me to lean onto the bed for support. Santana just sighs and takes my hand before turning to her confused and wary parents.

"Mom. Dad. Meet my girlfriend..."

* * *

** A/N: _que te den por culo! : _Fuck you**

**So! tell me how it is! Is it bad, is it good, is it funny, too much, or not enough? Reviews please! Any suggestions, I'll take em! Trying to reach past a hundred reviews! Go team Go! **

**lol, I'm such a lame... **


	6. F-GF-W-GF-B

**A/N: HI! OMG! Thank you so much for all the good reviews! Y'all are too nice! And I'm glad y'all like my humor because my mama doesn't! LOL, she went through my files, because she's my mama and she can, and she was like 'OH MY LORD JESUS! MY ONLY CHILD! You're going to HELL!" And whatever else these Alabama Christian moms say. KMSL. I hope you fuckers (not being rude; I love you all) enjoy this chapter because I risked my ass getting beat multiple times by sneaking on here and writing when I'm grounded. I barely got away last night! I had to say I was looking up the Bible when I had one on my shelf!**

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

About fifteen minutes later, I finally got myself together and shut the fuck up. My face was still flushed red while I was trying to stifle my smile, failing tremendously. I sheepishly lift my head towards Santana then her parents and walk towards them with a kind smile. "Hello, I'm Quinn Fabray. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Lopez." They hesitantly, and I mean fucking hesitant, shake my hand and study me in apprehension. "I promise that I'm not crazy." I add on, hasty to give myself a good image. Santana snickers behind me and I flip her a bird discreetly behind my back, receiving a muffled 'gladly'. _Hmm, looks like I need to store that thought for later..._

Mrs. Lopez crosses her arms just like Santana and looks me up and down four times before looking towards her daughter with raised eyebrows. She shakes her head in disappointment. Looking between us once again, she opens her mouth. "Santana Diabla Carmen Lopez! What the _hell_ were you thinking?" She hisses, clearly referring to me. Mr. Lopez places a hand on her shoulder but she shakes it off with a glare at the entire room. "I swear, Santana, if your arm wasn't already broken I'd breaking for you! How _could_ you?! I know I raised you better than this! " She then breaks out into a Spanish rant, all of us looking at her with wide eyes and mouths open. _  
_

"Ma?! What are you talking about? Quinn has literally _nothing_ to you besides shake your hand?!" Santana shouts in disbelief while I'm too dumbfounded to say anything or even react.

"You know what you did!" Her mother raises a shaky finger dramatically in her face. Santana throws her arms in the air and slams the down incredulously, wincing when her broken arm hits the bed too hard.

"Mami! I just started dating her!"

"Yes! You just started dating _another_ dumb ass blonde girl! Did you not learn from the last time?-"_  
_

"Maribel, that's enough." Mr. Lopez interrupts but she is just not having it.

"No! It's not enough! She needs to learn from her mistakes Ricardo! The last one barely graduated high school with a GPA of a goddamned _one point three! _Now she has a girlfriend that should be upstairs in the loony bin because she can't sop laughing!" She shouts as she paces. _Damn Brittany was dumb... wait- did she just insult me?! Hell to the no! _

"With all due respect, Mrs. Lopez, I graduated from high school with a 4.0, all AP classes, then later on graduated top in my class from NYADA with a major in art history, excelling in not only the artistic requirements, but the traditional educational requirements of math, language arts and literature, as well as science, and of course, history." I pause to let them register what I was saying before I continue with a rebuttal that would have made my AP English teacher proud had it been one of her argumentative essays.

"I was raised in a household built on respect, but I was also raised in a household built on pride in what you're earned. That being said, I cannot and will not allow the insinuation that I am, quote-unquote, 'another dumb ass blonde girl' nor the false accusation of my intellect as I sit here in this room with my naysayer. Now, you seem like a very intelligent woman, so obviously intelligent women as yourself know to judge not base on the first impression alone, but also the character of which you get to know on more than one accord. I really would love to get to know you as Santana's mother and you me as her girlfriend. I care deeply for your daughter and I hope that my relationship with the both of you and her family will be nearly as strong and positive as my relationship with her."

At the end of my rant the three Lopezes study me in awe, interest, pride from Santana, and sort of satisfied. Mrs. Lopez's frown slowly begins to grow into a Cheshire grin. She rocks back on her heels and claps her hands together before reaching them out to me, taking my face in between them as she places a big fat kiss on my forehead. _What's up with their family and forehead kisses? _Santana seems to breathe a sigh of relief with small smile while Mr. Lopez steps over and gives me a pat on the back with a you-made-it smile.

"Oh my! Praise Jesus and His miracles! My baby girl has a future with someone who can graduate college without prancing around in a strip of fabric and a tutu! I 'm just so glad you have the strong bone of back-"

"Back bone." Mr. Lopez corrects while the Latina beauty rolls her eyes."Quinn, she means you have a strong back bone. Because speaking English all her life still means she needs Rosetta Stone" he says sarcastically and Santana snickers.

"Let me speak, asshole!" She shouts, quickly shooting a glare his way. "Now, Quinn, we are Lopezes. We don't take shit from anybody, because if we did, we would have been shot climbing through those montañas over that border with nothing but a sack of potatoes and a puppy." She says strongly before Santana interrupts her while this time, Mr. Lopez is the one rolling his eyes.

"Mami, you were born in Houston and Abuela became an American citizen from Puerto Rico before you were born with the last name Rosales. Papi's mom married a white man after she crossed over in a van with fake ID."

"It doesn't matter! Your father's mother only did for a green card! We still are Lopezes because your Abuelita married a _Mexican _ man that crossed the border! Now let me tell the damned story the way I want to before I have to pull you out that bed and beat your ass!"_  
_

_Well damn..._

"Anyways, Quinn, I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad my Santanita has someone like you that's not afraid to stand up for herself and what she believes in. You're more than alright in my book!" Mrs. Lopez says with a smile like none of that just happened and gives me a bone crushing hug, leaving my arms flopping awkwardly on the side. My soon to be girlfriend sees this and chuckles. Mr. Lopez just tips his head in my direction.

"Thank you, Mrs. Lopez." I beam at her.

She shakes her head with a frown. "None of that! The only person you can call Mrs. Lopez is my awful sister-in-law who works at China Taste feeding dumplings to fat white children with triple chins." She says haughtily and crosses her arms. _  
_

"Honey, that's my sister and our children's aunt!" Mr. Lopez interjects in a playfully stern voice when she opens her mouth to speak again.

"It doesn't make it any less true, Ricardo! She thinks she is better than me because she is fully Mexican! Well guess what? No one is ever going to tell her that she has a mustache and her eyebrows go past her hairline because she a _fugly bitch_!" She says in a huff with her left eyelid twitching before closing her eyes resting her hand on her temple, taking a deep breath, then looking at me once again with a gentle and if I didn't know any better, I'd say it was an innocent smile. "Quinn, you can call me Mami or Maribel and my husband Papi or Ricardo." She takes my hand in hers and Santana's in the other, letting out an excited squeal.

"Welcome to the family!"

* * *

**Santana's POV**

After my parents said their goodbyes with promises to let my family know I'm okay and drop by my apartment later on tonight, I turned to Quinn with a smile and beckon her to come join me in bed. _Wanky._

"Hi," She said with a small smile, her voice so low it was almost in a whisper. I pulled her to snuggle into my side with my good arm and gave her a kiss on the temple.

"Hi." I whisper back with a teasing look. "Why are we whispering if we're not having hospital sex right now?" I asks, leaning in closer to her with playfully wide eyes.

But Quinn, as always, surprises me with her response of "We can do that?"

"What, whisper?" I asks confused and kind of hopeful she was talking about what I think she was talking about. She shakes her head absentmindedly with her eyes looking kind of glossy. "Oh! Hospital sex! Yes!" I nearly shout with glee, she jumps a little bit at my volume and shakes her head with a chuckle. "But if you want to fucking whisper, I would be totally down with it! And down with and on you..." I trail off with a supposedly sexy suggestive tone but probably ended up looking like Mr. Bean. She just looks at me with a face I can't describe, so I can't tell if it's a good facial expression or a bad one because I just don't know. Her eyes clear immediately when she blinks and gives me a look of confusion and what the fuck._  
_

_ Oh shit! She probably thinks I'm a creeper now! _"I mean I don't mean fucking whispering. well, yeah, fucking whispering... like, the fucking whisper- not like the whisper with the fucking tone" _ no, brain shut up! "_I mean like I don't fucking want to do this kind of way!" _Damn, she raised the eyebrow and she probably thinks I'm a crazy asshole with dicks shooting out the ass because I'm me! I bet she thinks I don't want to fuck her and now she probably won't even want to be my fake girlfriend... __"N_ot that I don't want to fuck you! Because your ass is just amazing and if I could fuck you all day, I would! Like just go at it like that real life Tarzan porno I saw on accident when I was twelve!" _both eyebrows _"not that I have it still but I could find if for you because I know you like them and we could use the video as example so we can have wild monkey sex.. but while whispering... 'cause what I really meant was whisper while fucking... um, you... in a hospital"

When I broke my arm I seem to have broken my ability to shut the hell up, too. Quinn just looks at me unimpressed with a blank look on her face. She blinks before she sighs a heavy, disappointed sounded sigh and stands up.

"If we were going to have wild whispering monkey sexy in the hospital, you just ruined it. Like, I seriously thought about being fake-girlfriends-with-girlfriend-benefits. But you spoke so not anymore." She smirks and opens the door. "I'm going to get us some lunch. Don't worry, I might let you whisper in my ear one day." She winks. "See you in a few, Tarzan." She chuckles and blows a kiss my way before leaving.

_Damn, if only I could shut my mouth I would be having wild whispering monkey sex with my possibly fake-girlfriends-with-girlfriend-benefits._

* * *

I shake my head with a small smile and close my eye ready to take a nap while waiting for Quinn. _Hopefully I can dream about that ass. _I doze off for maybe five minutes before I hear a knock on my door and I open my eyes to see the person I dreaded seeing the most.

"Hi, Sanny!" Brittany bounces in the room with a bright smile and a bunch of hideous purple and blue green flowers.

"What the fuck you doing here?" I ask in a monotone, praying to God Quinn doesn't walk in here to see her and get the wrong idea.

"To see how you're doing, silly!" She still has that fucking smile like we're goddamned friends.

"How the hell did you know I was here?" I asks with gritted teeth.

"I saw Tina's Facebook post and-"

"Tina un-friended you _while_ we were _dating_."

"Well, Artie is friends with a friend of hers and they shared her status and he showed it to me."

"Get the fuck out, you fucking stalker!" I say, my face scrunched up in overly dramatic disgust.

"But, I just wanted to make sure you're okay." She ends off in a pout, feeling dejected by my glare.

"You haven't tried to see how I am in four years, now you can leave and go back your broke down knock off version of Disney's kiddie Tea Cup ride." I dismiss her with a wave of my hand, ignoring the way her bottom lip trembles. Brittany places the flowers by my bedside table and takes a hold of my cast and begins to sob.

I try frantically to get her off of me while she cries, but no matter how hard I grunt and mush her head back, she still clings on like a fucking squirrel to a tree in a storm. "I'm so sorry, Sanny!" She wails.

"Get the fuck off me!" I wiggle around, trying to shake her off.

"I just want to be your friend!"

"FUCK NO!"

"Sanny-"

"What the fuck is this?" Quinn hiss of a voice sounded into the room from the entryway like a bullet. She changed her clothes to a peach colored dress with a wide, vintage brown belt around her waist, paired a white cardigan and brown ankle four inch heeled boots. Her clothes looked innocent, but her face was a whole 'nother level of bitch. She walks into the room, places the food in a chair and steps over to Brittany who then raises her head from my arm and sniffs looking up at Quinn with wide eyes.

"Hi. I was just-' She starts to explain herself, only to be cut off by Quinn's quiet and menacing tone.

"Leaving." Quinn's calculating gaze zeroed in on Brittany's hand still touching my arm and her eyes narrow to slits. She looks over like a lioness who feels the threat of someone else taking her food. "You were just leaving." She goes to the bedside table and touches the flowers with the tip of her finger before wiping them on the bed with a look of major distaste. "And take these shitty weeds with you too."

"You can't just make me leave! I have a right to be here! It's America." Brittany says, jutting out her chin in defiance, to which Quinn only chuckles saying two words with an icy cool tone, mocking her with a casual smile.

"Spell it."

Brittany's face crumbles and her shoulders sag before turning to the door with tears beginning to run down her Quinn's voice stops her dead in her tracks. "The next time you try to come into _ my girlfriend's _ life, you best be ready to deal with me. And that's not a very nice thing to see because this is my calm; the not so calm part of me -her name is Charlie- wants to break your foot and shove it so far up your, ass you'll tickle your boogers, but I'm being nice right now so you won't meet Charlie. But just remember that's not a threat, that's a mother fucking promise."

Brittany nodded quickly and scurried off, leaving a seemingly satisfied Quinn. She smiles a genuine and happy smile and gracefully walks over to the chair and gets the bags of food. "Lunch?" She hold up a burrito wrap from Chipotle. I'm confused about how fast she switched from angry and upset to normal and preppy so fast.

"Hold the fuck up... Quinn, how'd you go from so angry to smiling just like that? Do you have some condition I should be worried about?" I ask a little timidly at the end, not wanting her to blow up and shove my foot up my ass. She laughs a hearty laugh and shakes her head, handing me my burrito and opening mine.

"Santana, I went to NYADA. I know how to _act!" _She laughs again, making me feel silly.

"You don't have to laugh..." I mumble dejectedly, taking a sad bite of food. She coos and puts her food down before walking over to me and sitting down on the bed, taking my face in her hand.

"Tana, look at me." She says with in a soft voice. I comply. "Yes, I was acting about being angry and beating her ass. But I would never, ever, act about being your girlfriend. Look, I know you wanted to be fake girlfriends but I'm in like with you and I want this, what we have, to be real." She says so sincerely, it brought tears to my eyes. She giggled a small laugh and began speaking in a playful voice. "The whole time Brittany was here, I kept having a fantasy that a pterodactyl would magically swoop down and take her to the land of fucktards and drop her mid-flight about a thousand feet in the air so she'd land ass first on a the horns of a Ceratopsidae." She says with a dreamy sigh causing both of us to burst out laughing.

"Really?" I asks hopefully once our giggle die off. She nods with a grin, my face matching. "I'm in like with you, too." I say to her and she squeals and throws her arms around my neck.

"May I kiss my girlfriend?" She asks coyly. I smirk and wrap my good arm around her waist and pull her closer to me. She smirks back at me and lick her lips, both our eyes flitting from the others dilating pupils to red lips. I surge forward and close the gap, Quinn immediately responding by taking my lips with her silky smooth ones. This kiss has me feeling every cliché in a Hallmark movie collection. We meet nibble for nibble and tongue swipe for delicious tongue swipe in a battle that neither of would mind losing. After a while of husky moans, guttural groans, and Quinn's sexy whimpers, we reluctantly pull apart to breathe, our eyes slowly opening and connecting as we smile at each other.

"You don't even have to ask."

* * *

**A/N: Hey! There it is! they're a couple now! Tell me what you think! Reviews make me so happy, like, you don't even understand! lol, thanks for reading! **


	7. READ BUT DON'T GET EXCITED!

**DON'T GET READY TO READ QUINNTANA! IT'S JUST ME! **

Hey! Sorry if y'all got really excited only to see it's just me talking to you... but there will be a real chapter later on this week. But I just wanted to let y'all know that my time is now split between two thick ass books for AP summer reading, AP summer assignments, life, this story, and another Quinntana story that I just posted called 'Take it Back, I don't Want It!'.

Oh and to all the guest reviews: Thanks so fuckin much! I love yall but I can't message you to say it. And to those who review and I don't write back, it's because I don't know what the fuck to say to some of yall cuz I'm socially awkward.

Anyways...

That being said, updates might not be as frequent and I might loose my funny.

...

Who are I kidding? I'm me! I'm always funny! lol, jk. but yeah... that's all. Thanks :)


	8. Melons

**A/N: Hello! I hope you all enjoy this! Today's theme is: ...BrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraAT (That was a dramatic drum roll)****THE TIME SANTANA LOPEZ NEEDED SEX!**

**... now I feel bad that I'm listening to Gospel at the same time as writing some of this chapter but I love Latice Crawford! Lord forgive me! I switched to Beyoncé!**

**Lol. Quinntana time!**

* * *

**Santana's POV. **

**Two weeks later. (Spongebob narration voice)**

"Quinn." I whisper in her ear, leaning over the movie seat so I could get closer to her. She looks at the screen and continues to eat her popcorn. "Baby." I try again and start kissing her neck. I look up through my lashes and see her still looking at the screen but with a small smirk this time so I know she's trying to ignore me. I smirk right back o her flesh and nibble on her collar bone.

She shifts in her seat as my finger tips trace patterns on her knee, slowly going up her thigh. I kiss along her jaw and my arm hits that damn arm rest. Still looking at the screen, Quinn bites her lip and moves her drink to the cup holder on the other side of her, giving me the opportunity to lift it and get rid of the space between us. I move closer and my hand begins to travel up her legs, reaching her right inner thigh. An almost silent moan escapes her lips and I take her lips with mine to muffle her sound of pleasure. She turns to face me fully and wraps her arms around my neck as I lean her back in the seat. The background noise of the explosions in Transformers about sums up what I'm feeling right now. _Yup, fucking awesome._

"San." She whispers in a breathy moan and sucks on my bottom lip. I groan when her hand slowly slides down my chest to palm my left breast.

"Baby, you are so fucking good." I say, this time it's _her_ leaning _me_ back. I grab her ass as she straddles my lap, completely forgetting where we are. I flick her upper lip with my tongue and squeeze that luscious booty. She moans again and trails her hand lower.

"Santana, baby I-"

"MOMMY, WHAT ARE THEY DOING!?" Quinn and I both groan and sit back in our respective seats, looking at the six year old boy pointing to us while his mom glares at us while covering his eyes as his father pretends he wasn't staring.

"Miss, this is a family movie theater. We're going to report this if you do not stop." She says to me in a haughty whisper.

Quinn smiles apologetically and pats my hand. "I'm sorry, it's just that honeymoon phase of our relationship and I'm having a hard time keeping my hands to myself. I'm sure you know how that is?" She chuckles, winking and pointing from the boy to his father. I sink lower in my seat as his mother glares at us and his father grumbles a "_not any more..."_ at the same time I do. We look at each other and crack small sympathetic smiles of understanding before turning back to watch the movie with our partners in silence.

_My big toe twitches._

* * *

**One week later.**

I haven't had sex in three months.

Yup, that's right! _Three months! _The small twitches are back and my temper is worse than normal. Yesterday I saw a man in a wheelchair and I was late to school and he wasn't rolling fast enough so... lets just say he reminded me too much of Artie and Paul Blart Sidewalk Cop almost took me to jail.

Everything makes me horny these days. I walk past the fresh market and _BAM_! those two cantaloupes aren't the only thing that's juicy anymore. I went to the diner for a burger and he split those buns and in my eyes, they turned into booty. I passed by a girl who was jogging in Nike shorts and a sports bra, now I have a bruised shoulder from ramming it into a pole while I was watching those titties bounce and that booty jiggle. And you know what the worse part is?

Today's class is human anatomy.

* * *

**Ten Minutes Later.**

I walk into the classroom and am greeted by the sight of human posters everywhere. I advert my eyes from one picture of a girl facing sideways so her chest sticks out, and end up seeing a gluteus maximus. My momentarily knees buckle and my good arm spasms.

I take a deep breath and pray that I don't hump a cadaver.

I walk to the middle of the room and take a seat in one of the side tables. But I should have waited; a short, busty blonde walks over and squeezes in between my seat and the table behind me so she could sit down beside me. _Her boobs brush the back of my head. _My foot jerks forward and narrowly missed kicking someone in the back of the knee.

To (dis)pleasure, the busty blonde waves her friend over with enthusiasm, so much so that her breast jiggle in slow motion just for me. Her tall chocolate friend grins and her and makes her way through the almost full classroom over to sit at one of the last empty seats in front of us. Her booty is nice and round with just the right amount of bounce as she _oh so slowly _sits down. Before I can reach out and grab it, the professor walks in and ends my sweet torture.

Finally, class begins.

* * *

**Five Minutes Later.**

_Oh shit, she dropped the chalk! Please, don't pick it up! Leave it on the fl- Damn it! Fuck you for getting me horny!_ I think as my sexy menopausal professor squats down to pick up the fallen chalk, showing me the perfect amount of cleavage. I shift in my chair and squeeze my legs together, trying to think about my dead puppy and my brother when he was seven and got bit on the ass by said dog... _come to think of it, I think that's why it died. Hmm, I'll have to ask Papi about that._

"So class, turn to page 384 and study and discuss muscular movements with your table mate. You have the rest of the hour, be quiet because I need to call my lawyer to settle my divorce from my fat bastard of a husband." Professor Lane says and goes to her desk with a bored eye roll.

I absent-mindedly turn to the page. My table mate looks at me and smiles her pearly white. "Hi, I'm Chastity" _I __can unlock that belt... bad Santana! Stop! _She holds her hand out and I take it.

"I'm sex- um Santana Lopez. Nice to meet you." I smile nervously as my eyes are drawn to her perky nipples like magnets. She seems to have missed my mistake and I breathe a sigh of relief when she points to the page and starts speaking.

* * *

**Ten Minutes Later**

"So the muscle squeezes and squirts when it gets fingered and-"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I interrupt her in shock that she would say that out loud. She furrows her eyebrows but repeats it anyways.

"Okay... I said that the muscles squeeze and hurt when the fingers are strained." Its official! I'm going crazy!

"Oh okay, my bad. I un-understand." I nod and clear my throat. She looks concerned and moves to the side so her breast are squished on the edge of the table. She reaches out touches my arm. _If only she would move her hand lower. _

"Santana, are you okay?"_ Melons..._ "Your arm muscles are spasming. Do we need to get ?" _Buns..._ "Santana?" _Juicy booty..._

"Shit, I gotta gay! GO! I need to sex- SEE my girlfriend... who's in the hospital because she broke her ass." I ramble as I hurriedly pack my stuff and run out the classroom, ignoring the questions looks from my peers.

* * *

**Two Minuets Later.**

I hurry to get to a cab so I can get to my apartment. I jump into the first one available and shout my apartment building address before calling Quinn with shaky fingers.

_"Hello?"_

"Quinn! It's happening!" I pant out.

_"Santana? Baby? What's happening"_ She asks with a large amount of concern evident in her voice.

"It's time, Quinn! I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!" I shout and pop open the button of my pants. I lean back in my seat as a sheen of sweat forms on my face and neck.

_"Tana, you sound like you're giving birth."_

"Where are you?!" I ask, ignoring that last part because if I was giving birth, at least I would have had some sex.

_"I'm at the art studio. Baby, whats wrong?"_

"What are you wearing" My foot has started tapping uncontrollably and I flip off the cab driver when he looks at me.

_"Santana I'm at-"_

"I don't care where you are! What are you wearing?" Only two minutes from my place.

_"Shorts and a t-shirt, what are you-"_

"Are you wearing panties?"

_"W-why the fuck wouldn't I be wearing panties? Santana, what-"_ I throw the money at the driver and run up to the elevator and hop in with an elderly lady.

"Baby don't ask questions! What color are they?" I ask urgently.

_"What?"_

"WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR PANTIES?!" I eyes roam frantically and my neck starts to itch.

_"Purple with cute little frogs on them, why?"_

"Quinn, is it thong?!" I shout, the little old lady glares at me and huffs.

_"...I have a wedgie if that counts."_ The elevator doors open and I run out and shove the key in the door and swing it open and slam it closed, falling on the couch because I know Puck is at work.

"QUINN! Listen to me! Are you listening to me, Babe?!" I jerk off my shirt and pants, kicking them to the floor.

_"Yes, I'm listening."_ She sighs and I hear a rustling.

"I need you to sex me," She starts to speak but I quickly continue. "On our first date I told you I need sex or bad things start happening. Well, it's time. Speak to me while I masturbate!"

_"I accept this mission. What do you want me to say?" _She ask completely serious, trying and failing to sound like Tom Cruise. I chuckle and start fingering my clit at a fast pace.

"Tell m-me about one of your pornos." I shudder and moan as I continue rubbing circles.

_"Penis or no penis?"_

"Doesn't matter but don't be dick descriptive." I pant.

"_The car was broken down and she got mugged so she had no money, then this mechanic came to fix it and he asked for pussy bucks-"_

"Fuck is that?" I grunt and tease my opening, loving the husk of her voice.

_"Payment in pussy."_

"Okay, keep going." I put one finger in my pussy and imagine it being Quinn's finger.

_"So he took her and started shoving his tongue up her pussy- she was a brunette by the way- and she was moaning and groaning-"_

"Make the sounds." I moan.

_"Hold up let me go to my bathroom first we have NYADA students mentoring twelve year olds..."_

"Okay, hurry!" I whine and buck my hips as another finger goes in, bringing out a gush of my natural juices. I hear a door click on her side.

_"...So she was like, Don't stop! Fuck me harder! Faster!"_ She husk and moans, her voice deeper than usual.

_"Fuck!_ What else baby? I'm so close!" I start ramming my fingers in and out, in and out, in and out.

_"Do you want me to do the accent too?"_

"Ugh, what accent?" My body heat is out of this world.

_"There was a German accent. I don't know how good it will be but-"_

"Quinn, just say and fuck me!" I shout as I feel myself getting closer to bliss.

_"Shove your tongue in my like a snake! Fucking me like you mean it!"_

She did the accent.

"Quinn. Mmm, un unh, that's not too hot. Don't say it like that again." I say breathlessly add a third finger and hear my wetness echo into the room.

_"Fine..."_ I hear her pout. _"He took his dick out and started ramming into her and was like 'MERICA!"_ She says in an hillbilly accent. But it's her voice so I'll fuss at her after I cum.

"Then what?"

_"She started picking up tool and turned one into a vibrator, but I don't know how because it's a fucking car garage-"_

"QUINN!" I yell, both because I wanted her to focus and my stomach was starting to tighten.

_"Oh yeah. I'm do more noises; Faster, harder, fuck! Yes, yes, yes! Santana! Yes! Fuck my pussy-"_

"OOH! Quinn, I'm fucking my pussy!"

_"Fuck your pussy! Almost there, Santana! Go, go, go!"_

"I'M GOING!"

_"You can do it baby, fuck you! Yeah!"_

_"_YES!"

"COME ON! DO IT BABY, COME ON!"_  
_

"I'M DOING IT, QUINN!"

_"GO FUCK YOURSELF, BABY!"_

"I'M FUCKING ME!"

_"FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY!"_

I freeze.

_"ARE YOU THERE YET?!"_

I shudder.

_"WHAT'S HAPPENING?!"_

I wither.

_"...Santana?"_

I cum.

"OOOOOOHHH! I FUCKED HER RIGHT IN PUSSYYYYYYYYYY!"

"_YEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" _She cheers on the other side of the phone and I catch my breath with smile so big and lazy, I can't even yell at a shell shocked Puck standing in the doorway with a chip half way up to his mouth.

_"WE DID IT BABY!"_ I swear it's like we won the Superbowl. I lift a lethargic, glistening fist in the air and pump it two times before dropping it down on my stomach.

"Fuck yeah we did."

_"...Shit, I gotta go. The middle school teacher is knocking and yelling at me."_

* * *

**A/N: lmao. How was it? Review, review, review! :)**


	9. Surprise!

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but I seem to have let school get in the way of what's important. Who needs to pass AP classes anyways?! I don't need school to be a lawyer! I just need to know one part of the law, a little bit of the constitution, and how to lie! Can you say CONGRESS?! **

**lol, but seriously. School is killing me, so I really need to hurry up and finish this author's note so I can complete this test and Footprint packet that'a due tomorrow. (If someone could kill me that'd be great.) ****This chapter probably isn't as funny as the other ones because I'm trying to go somewhere with the story. Sorry if there are errors, but I really need to get this work done and if I don't post it now it will be another week. **

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Prologue for this chapter... and next because this is turning out to be way too long.**

Santana Lopez was not one for surprises. She didn't appreciate the near heart attack she was forced to endure because someone didn't have the decency to let her know what the hell was going on. So no, she did not like anybody jumping out from behind the curtains, pushing their stank breath in her face yelling _surprise. _ Because she obviously knew it was a fucking surprise. Her heart rate and the gas expelled from her ass let her know that she was surprised.

Santana Lopez was not one for marathons. She did particularly enjoy anything lasting over two hours, especially running, physical activity, Twilight movie marathons, Martha Stewart TV specials (or jail recaps), and running.

Santana Lopez was not one for the excessive expression of emotion. She didn't feel as though her body was made to hold over two minutes of emotions besides happiness, being drunk (ironically enough, she is a crying dunk), and sex. She had always envisioned that if her amount of "care" for the majority of people and things was put inside of cup, it'd be fucking empty.

Santana Lopez was not prepared for what was to come. Especially involving these three things at one time.

* * *

**Santana's POV**

Today was a long day. Classes started at eight and I'm completely lost human anatomy. All I want to do is go to Quinn's apartment where she's waiting to watch the latest movie on bootleg. I walk up to my building with tired feet and a sagging body full of the means for a heart attack. As I wait for the elevator I can't help but think about Quinn's booty. _So round, so luscious, so much… booty. _ My mouth starts to water and I wake up a bit, sending Quinn a text.

_Hey baby, get ready cuz I'm gonna be allllll up on dat ass. ;) –S_

I step through the doors and lean back against the wall with a shit eating grin. The elevator doors start to slid closed but a hand shoots in and a middle aged white lady steps in; not that I care because I just felt a buzz come from my phone. My smirk grows as I read it.

_It's yours all night long… if you can handle it. ;) – Q_

Heat travels fast as a rocket down to my center. I start rocking on my heels in anticipation for what's to come. The lady looks at me in curiosity and I look back at her with raised eyebrows and a big ass smirk.

"Can I help you?" I ask. She simply smirked along side me and shook her head.

"You look like the cat who ate the canary." She mused with a southern accent. I grin roguishly as the door dings and slides open.

"Not yet." I walk out with a shit-eating grin and a pep to my step, thinking about the punani I'm about to get.

Practically skipping to Quinn's apartment, I can't help my get excited all over again when I imagine what's behind the door. I hum a little tune while turning the corner and knocking on the door.

**_(All About that Bass Tune)_**

_I'm all about that ass, 'bout that ass, her nipple, I'm all about that ass, 'bout that ass, her nipples, I'm all about that ass, 'bout that ass, her nipples, all about that ass, ass, ass, ass, ass. I'm finna eat that assssssss, don't need worry 'bout where my bitches aaaattt, I'll give maybe one or two good slaps, and I'm here to tell ya, every inch of my tongue's lickin' from the bottom to the top! _

Quinn swings the door open with a seductive grin, booty shorts, and a tank top. I grin and take a step forward to walk in but she stops me with a raised hand.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion and I look around her shoulder to see the regular apartment. "Please?" I ask in so much confusion it's not even funny.

She leans against the door's frame sexily and tips forward to whisper in my ear with a husk. "You need the magic password to get in."

I begin to feel a heat build back up and my smirk returns, catching up to her game. "Please?" I ask and raise/wiggle my eyebrows seductively, praying I don't look like Mr. Bean. I hump my shoulder up, trying to spur her on but she only chuckles her sex laugh and plants a kiss to my lips.

"Wrong one, but you'll be screaming it later." She winks.

_I almost came._

Fueled by the sudden gush of wetness, I pull her into a long kiss against the door. My tongue slides across her lips, asking for entrance and she accepts with a throaty moan. Her arms wrap around my neck and her legs around my waist. I pull her up against me and kick the door open a little more. I'm finna eat that asssssss. I palm her ass and she clings to me all the more. I move my arm around to get a better grip.

"Santana!" She hisses and recoils. "Your cast is scratching my butt."

"Oh shit, is that better?" I ask after moving it again.

"I think it just snipped my ass crack." She grunts.

_Damn… this is getting in the way of my punani plans. _ I move her weight to my other arm and try to start kissing her again. Instead of responding, she turns her head and sighs.

"Baby, just put me down." My eyes grow big and a whine builds from the back of my throat.

"Wha- whyy? I can do it with one hand! It'll be good! I promise!"

Quinn shakes her head and laughs. "I know, baby. I was just trying to have some skin left on my ass." She leans forward and places a sweet kiss to my lips. _I swear that always feels as amazing as the first time we kissed. _

"Can we still do it?" I plead with watery eyes. She chuckles and nods. I lean in for a kiss and begin to guide us inside when all of a sudden I get twat blocked.

"_Quinn?" _ A distinct southern voice called. Quinn's head snapped up and her eyes widen to the size of a thot's vagina.

"Mom?!" She whisper-yelled in shock. My eyes widen in fear and I spin around, dropping Quinn in the process. I ignore Quinn's disgruntled wail and clench my booty cheeks to stop my nervous gas from slipping out and killing us all. _Trust me, I had Taco Bell for lunch._

The blonde lady from the elevator stares with a displeased frown. I take in her small frame and see she's about Quinn's height and has the same hair color. Her hair is down and she wears jeans and a casual green blouse. Quinn's mom looked me over and let out a heavy sigh.

"This wasn't how I planned on meeting you." She rubbed her temple. "I definitely didn't want to know that my daughter was your...canary."

Quinn stood up with interest and crosses her arms over her chest. "You've met?" she asks with a raised brow.

"In the elevator, yeah." I say and her mother nods. "But not formally, so I didn't know that was your mom. Soooo…" I tip back and forth on my feet and looks around awkwardly with my hands behind my back. Quinn looks a little lost but she eventually smiles and tells us both to come inside.

I gestured for Mrs. Fabray to go in first with only one though on my mind.

_'Fuck.'_

* * *

Quinn's mother sat down on the couch while Quinn and I took the love seat. We sat around in a suffocating silence. Quinn clears her throat and gets up.

"Water, Momma?"

"Yes, please. Thanks, Quinnie." she nods and head to the kitchen.

Mrs. Fabray looks around, identical to me because God knows I don't want to talk to the woman I just unknowingly told that I was going to bang her daughter senseless. She suddenly coughs a little violently when she catches sight of what's on the coffee table. I automatically know what it's about.

We both turn red while _Quinnie _walks in oblivious as ever, smiling like the little Angel she is. She sets the water down in front of her mother and moves to sit next to me.

"You have a very interesting reading selection, darling," the older blonde muses. "It's a shame you leave _Candy Cane's Christmas Christening _ out for all to see..."

Quinn stutters and violently turns fifty shades of red **(insert pun) **as she tries to redeem herself.

"N-no. Mom, I swear it- it's just an article!" At this her mother arches a familiar eyebrow and takes a sip from her water.

"Do tell." She drawls, her Florida accent thick. Quinn's mouth flaps open a few times before she clenches her jaw shut and a fire of determination lights in her eyes.

"Mother, I was reading about the works of Jesus The Christ on Christmas day. How He _blessed _Candy with the gift of love and protection_." _At this point, all I'm thinking is what the fuck is this girl on?! But she continues to"defend" herself and that "article".

"One should never have to be alone on Christmas Day and when Elijah the Elf came, she was able to praise God and call out His Son's name for dying for her sins. Pray on numerous occasions, in example, and I quote, Please God; Oh God; Christ!; Oh The Blood!-"

"Wh- wait a minute!" I start to interrupt, but get silenced by a look on both Quinn and Judy's face saying that they wanted to continue the bullshit festival.

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by impatient girlfriend," she begins and her mother gives her a look that means '_we'll__ be talking about this later'. _"Prayer was an important part of the article and giving was the theme. When Santa came to town, he provided her with the gift of love and relaxation. They took a ride in the sleigh, gave upon the rooftop, and shared what God has blessed them with as if they were taking communion."

She blinks and looks at the both of us. "All I'm saying is that love was in the air and the gift of giving was announced during this Holiday Season, even if some were greedy and said, 'GIVE IT TO ME NOW!' they got their gift because God doesn't want anyone to feel left out and get coal. Even Terrible Timmy got a gift when he should have got a coal mine. Instead he got Hot Cocoa... _was that racist_?" She purses her lips and thinks for a bit before she just shrugs. "Amen."

_Fuck, I'm falling in love with a dumb ass. _

Mrs. Fabray just looks at her daughter expressionless before surprising the fuck out of me.

"So basically Candy is a whore and fucked the elf with protection, she called on God's name while doin' the hooty-who because it was a '_Miraculous occasion'_ , and for some reason referring to Easter. Santa came and gave her his coconuts on every rooftop while Timmy was bad and greased his wheel with the black girl." She looked at Quinn and took another sip of water. "Is that about right?"

Quinn looked sheepish, and rightly so, nodding her head in embarrassment. "It just had some nice art..." She mumbled.

Her mom scoffed and rolled her eyes. "It seems you and your father both have an- and I quote- appreciation for fine art." Quinn only blushes and smiles. Her mom opens her arms for a hug and Quinn enthusiastically sinks into them and sits on the couch beside her.

I tried to hold it in the best I could so I wouldn't ruin the moment, but I ended up letting it out when I accidentally squeeze my stomach too hard. _ Thank God it was silent._

I was suddenly wrapped in a suffocating blanket of the distinct smell of death.

_... OH SHIT... That came out of me?!... Ok, I don't think they've smelt it yet... Oh God, don't you fucking dare throw up, Lopez! Because if you get sick, they're going to check one you and then they're going to smell it! Then everybody will be throwing up!_

Quinn stiffened and Judy sniffed the air before turning her head away as if she got slapped by air.

"Dear Lord, Quinnie! What is that smell?" She asked sounding faint.

"Maybe I left some milk out from this morning." Quinn suggested through a pinched nose.

"Baby girl, that's not milk. That's somethin' from your daddy's pasture." They look towards me, silently asking if I knew what it was. Like there's anyway in _hell _ I'm going to tell them that _thing _ came out of me.

"I think it came from the homeless man outside the window."

* * *

"So not that I'm not glad you're here, but why are you here?" Quinn asked her mom as she snuggled into me. Her mother's face turned solemn and I wrapped an arm around Quinn when I knew this wasn't about to be good news.

"I... I have some bad news. Your-" She cut herself of with a sigh. "Edgar passed away."

Quinn's lip quivered and a look I never want to see again came across her face.

"Are you... are you sure? I mean- he was perfectly healthy, a little old, but..." Her eyes are filled with tears that slowly begin to fall. "When? When did it happen?" She asked with a sniff.

"On Saturday night. Your father came home and found him in the living room." _ Wow, that shit is ironic. _Quinn's entire form began to shake and she buried her head in the crook of my next and began to sob.

But it wasn't a regular fucking sob. It was a cry that started out as a slow whine that built like a crescendo. She the began to breathe heavily as if she were about to sneeze for the next three minutes, only to scare the fucking fart out of me, literally, when she came up with a wail from the depths of her _soul. _

She digs her face in even further in my shirt. "SANTANAAAAA! Why do you keep doing that?!" She whines/yells. "My dog just fucking died and you're trying to kill me too!" She punches me in the boob and goes back to sobbing. I look to Mrs. Fabray in apology but she seems to be zoned out. _ How she zone out the smell of that ass, I'll never know... wait- did Quinn just say her **dog **died? How the fuck do you comfort someone who's that messed up over a pet.__Maybe I should make her not feel alone in this. It might make her feel better._

"I'm sorry you lost your puppy. I had one once. We kept Cat for three years, that was his name by the way. My sister wanted a cat but everyone else wanted a dog so we let her name him. That little puta knew I want to name him Orca because he was fat as fuck." I shake my head and get back on topic while awkwardly rubbing Quinn's back. "Anyways, the point is that he died. He got hit by an eighteen wheeler in San Antonio. Straight capped his ass... it was sad."

I nod and she squints up at me. Quinn, I decided, was not a pretty crier. In fact, it was quite a horrid sight to look at. I gulped and looked away to contain my unease due to all these emotions.

"Another reason I wanted to name him Orca was because of the black and white fur, but lemme tell ya, he looked like a fuckin oreo afterwards, y'know? When it all ended? My point being is that I understand, everything dies and I'm here for you."

Quinn pulls herself out of my grasp and glared her puffy red eyes at me. "How fucking _dare _you?! How could you be so insensitive and try to make this about you? It's not about you, Santana! And no you don't understand! Edgar wasn't just a fucking _puppy_, you asshole. I came out to him and he still _loved_ me! And now..." Another wave of tears cut her off as they left her unable to speak and she began to bawl, the fucking hardcore bawling.

I couldn't even stay mad at her for being such a puta when I was trying to be nice. My defenses fell when I saw that upper lip being sucked in by the amount of air she was suckin' up. _I pray to God that air didn't taste like the Nacho Bell Grande._

Mrs. Fabray seemed to have zoned back in as she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Quinn, I was talking about Edgar, your grandfather." She gives a sympathetic look. "Pop-Pop died, honey."

Quinn's sounds of distressed stopped immediately and she sniffed, sitting up to look at her mother's face.

"Are you sure?" She asked timidly. I'm just afraid that she's cry even harder than before now that she knows it's her grandfather and not her childhood pet. Mrs. Fabray nods and Quinn's body literally sags with relief and she lets out a choked laugh. "Oh my god! Mom! Don't ever scare me like that again!" she exclaimed, wrapping me up in her arms. I just gape because I can't deal with the shit storm that is Quinn Fabray's emotions. (And also the shit storm that is happening in my stomach.)

The older blonde just rolls her eyes like she knew this was going to happen. "Aren't you concerned about your dead grandfather?" She asked.

Quinn nodded and sniffed again. "Yeah, it's pretty sad because he was so cool, but he was old and it was bound to happen. I just… I just kinda wish it was Grandma Margret instead…" She pouts. _Is this bitch crazy?!  
_

"Yes, well, she always was a bit of a wanker if you ask me." She said seriously with a nod. They both laugh and relax into their seats.

_Holy fuck, I'm falling in love with a crazy woman with a crazy mother._

"So, the funeral is on Saturday in Florida and your daddy and I expect for you to be there." She pauses and looks at me for a beat. "You can bring your little girlfriend if you want."

Quinn looks at me with pleading hazel eyes. If I said no it'd like I killed her puppy, and fuck knows I don't want to go through that again. I reluctantly nod my head and send her a small smile. She squeals and launches her lips onto mine and I'm stuck in that oh-fuck-her-mom-is-right-here moment so my eyes are wide open, staring at Quinn's mom and stares back at me with raised eyebrows.

I raise mine in response.

She quirks one eyebrow and I quirk one as well and kiss Quinn back but not granting her tongue entrance in my mouth, because that would be fucked up.

She smirks and I smirk- no I don't. I can't smirk because I'm sucking face with her daughter.

I can already tell this trip is going to be great.

_Yayyyy Florida!... That was a sarcastic fucking happy dance because she's still looking at me and I'm looking at her. _

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**A/N: There it is! Finally! I no longer feel like _such _a dick for not posting for so long (trust me it's pretty shitty to feel like a dick when you think dick is fugly). **

**Did you like it? Love it? Hate it? Tell me! (Not the hate part, I just wanted to give you the full experience of giving you options but making you not choose one option. But that's not taking away you options, just not letting you have them. GO 'MERICA)**

**LOL, reviews please! Ideas, suggestions, and motivation are very much appreciated. :) Thanks guys! Love ya! **


	10. DON'T GET EXCITED!

Hey guys, sorry if you got excited. I know you must think I'm a little bit of an asshole at this point, lol, but it's for good reason.

It might be a good bit, a month or so, until I post anything else. There are two reasons for that: School, and my little brother just passed away.

Soooo, I really need to get my shit together and my family issues need to be resolved before I can go back to being hella funny and awesome. I would have written one chapter today, but I need to finish my play for school.

Thanks for your time, support for the story, and patience. Be breezy,

~Kay :^) (*.*) t(-_-)t y[h.h.]y


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